No one has ever cried for me before.  He did.

Here are my results and I’ll tell you how I feel about it after:

So I went to my surgeon today to review my CT scan results.  Turns out, it won’t be a good thing to not have the surgery and keep monitoring it, because from 2008-2011, it grew at least half an inch.  That’s a lot in my case.  And leaving it in there, it will for sure keep growing.  In March of this year, I had a biopsy (Bronchoscopy).  For those of you who don’t know what a biopsy is, a biopsy is an examination of tissue removed from a living body to discover the presence, cause, or extent of a disease.  In my case, my biopsy wasn’t very invasive, as in - they didn’t cut me open.  What they did was they went through my throat to my lung with a long scope with a camera and a needle at the end.  Then they took a sample of the tumor.  But what had happened was that they didn’t really get a good sample, considering the location of the tumor was very far down and they said before the biopsy that they probably wouldn’t be able to get a good sample anyway.  All they got was parts of the lymph node and tissue.  Sort of like the outside of the tumor.  Luckily, the samples came out non-malignant/benign, meaning non-cancerous.  It isn’t a cancer tumor anyway, because:

1. It is very rare for someone my age to get lung cancer.  Very very rare and highly unlikely.
2. If it was cancer, by now it would’ve probably taken up my entire lung.  Considering how slow it’s growing and the fact that cancer tumors grow immensely big in a matter of 6 months.  Mine is still small for a tumor that has been growing for 3 years.
3. I’m Chrystine.  I’m pretty damn healthy.  I can’t have cancer lol.

It’s normal for our bodies to have tiny small tumors here and there, like lymph nodes and stuff.  You can get them when you have a cold, when you’re sick, etc.  But what’s not normal:  lymph nodes that don’t go away and, even worst, it grows.  There’s a good chance that it’s just an infection, but considering they can’t get a good sample, they just don’t know what it is and how I got it.  So unanimous decision:  I’m having surgery on December 20th.  Right before Christmas.  With a one-month recovery.  So there’s a 75% chance I’ll be at the hospital recovering on Christmas. 

I had another CT scan, in March (before the recent one, which was a week ago), and when we reviewed it then, they said there was a good chance they would only have to remove the lower lobe of my lung.  It’s different now.  Months passed and they reviewed my recent CT scan.  It’s pushing to the middle lobe now.  So there’s a good chance they will remove more than what I was expecting:

Roughly around that area ^ They won’t remove that ENTIRE part I just circled.  Just somewhere around that area, give or take… most likely ‘take’.

Hopefully nothing goes wrong.

Anyway the doctor was concerned about my school and was thinking of having the surgery next Summer.  But the fact that it grows in a matter of months, I don’t understand why he’s so concerned about my school when my health is more important.  He was literally delaying the surgery.  But my mom was like, “No.  Your health is more important than your school.  You can easily make that work up.  It’s better to remove it NOW than later.  It’s already pushing to your middle lobe.  They might have to remove even more if we delay it.  Let’s just do it soon.”  So it’s set.  I’m having surgery VERY soon.

My feelings about it:  Honestly, I’m VERY okay with it.  If it needs to be done, it needs to be done.  The only thing I’m scared about is if it will hinder me when I get older.  Doctors say you will live a normal life, but sometimes, that’s not the case.  I mean, I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I’m scared of what’ll happen when I’m old and gray.  I definitely don’t wanna be those old grannies who take SO MUCH medication and then because of the medication, you get liver disease.  The chemicals of the medication can damage the liver.  It’s a side-effect of the medication.  I’m scared of adjusting to having only my left lung and a half or third of my right lung, too.  (Hopefully I, at least, have half or more than a half of it left.)

My boyfriend’s feelings about it:  He cried.  He fucking cried.  Well not like bawling his eyes out crying.  He teared up, though.  He thought he wasn’t capable of crying.  He’s as hard as stone and the fact that he cried for me… he cares so much about me.  No one has ever cried for me before.  I’m so grateful.  (‘:

There’s a lot of things I wanna do before the surgery, in case anything goes wrong.  I HIGHLY doubt it, though.  Better safe than sorry, though.  I might even write a will just for the fuck of it.  Even though, I’ll be fine.  Promise.  I’ll be fine.  If my sister can survive spinal surgery, I’ll be fine.  I.  Will.  Be.  Fine.