After people read this, they’re going to think that I envy people too much. lol

I envy people who live bigger than they dream. And most of the time, I just wonder how the hell they got there. But like I said before in my previous note:  Respect and a swagger lifestyle are subtle things that many strive to gain, but few actually attain. But to be honest, the people who attain it never strove to gain it. So there’s really nothing much you can do but to just live life the way you want to AND look fly along the way. Is it easy? For most people, no. For me, we’ll see lol. Honestly, not a lot of people take me seriously nor do I have swag. I dress comfortable. My attitude is pretty bitchy, but I know my limits. Most of the time, I really don’t care what I look like — depends on my mood. But when I’m shopping with my parents, well… I get a little too classy. Classy to the point where the clothes I buy aren’t clothes you would wear to school. I have to admit, I may not look like the girl who dresses classy 24/7 but deep down inside, I have the mentality of Giorgio Armani and Kanye West. I just choose not to dress that way a lot. It might boost my ego a little too much lol. As for my personality and how I look at things, I’m pretty blunt — but again, I know my limits. I know the difference between insults and trolling. I know the difference between hurting someone feelings and telling the truth. Sure, the truth may hurt — but sometimes you just gotta shut your mouth because the truth isn’t always appropriate to mention. Then again, there’s trolling where nothing ever matters so whatever lol. I’m the kind of person who won’t judge you for your habits. I’m friends with non-studious people, druggies, nerds, super-nerds, dorks, any “type” of person that is judged for their lifestyle — I am friends with them. If not friends, then I am fairly nice to them. AND just because I hang out with people like that, doesn’t mean I am the same. I have my own mind, and I won’t let people influence me. If I make a decision to do something, I’ll do it if I want. Not because someone suggested or told me to do something. I just don’t give a fuck lol. I know who or what really needs my care and attention. Other than that, I really don’t care.

So what I’m trying to say here is that: I may not know what “having almost everyone respect and look up to you” feels like or “having almost everyone envy you for your style” feels like, but I do know this: At the end of the day,the people who do have these “almost-perfect” characteristics are JUST LIKE YOU. The boy that was yelling at you this morning is JUST LIKE YOU. Except maybe a little ignorant and intolerant, but HE’S JUST LIKE YOU. The hot girl that every guy is dying for IS JUST LIKE YOU. Sure they may have the respect of other people and/or a swagger lifestyle, but they poop and pee in the toilet just like you. They fart. They burp. They have flaws. I’m not trying to point every single imperfection that they may have. I’m just trying to say that they have them.

So when I say that I envy people who live bigger than they dream, I really mean it. I envy them. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love my life. I have people that respect me and accept me. There are a couple people that like the way I dress (I know, I’m pretty surprised myself haha). And yeah, I couldn’t ask for more. Let’s just say that I don’t live bigger than I dream  nor do my dreams seem bigger than my life. I’m the same in both. Respected, disrespected, respectful, and disrespectful. Swagger and a second-rate try-hard. I can be both.

When I grow up, I hope my thoughts on life never change. Because I feel like right now, regardless of how little experience I have with life, I understand life more than ever.

I just need to clean my act up a little and get shit done.